When I leave my house in the morning, like many people, I check the weather. Easy enough. If it’s cold out, bring a coat. If it’s raining, an umbrella. Conversely, when it’s sunny out, I don’t bring an umbrella. Or, I shouldn’t. Because why would I need an umbrella if it’s not raining?
Enter: lawn sprinklers. These little devils make sure that whatever the weather, I’ll be bringing an umbrella.
But let me explain. If you want a beautiful lawn (yes, the whole two inches in front of your expansive Brooklyn property), you’d better make sure to put in an automated irrigation system. Of course, you could get one of those oscillating sprinklers from Target that you just drop into the center of the yard. But those require you to manually turn the knob on your hose to turn it on, a colossal amount of work in today’s automated age. No, if you want a truly beautiful lawn, you’ll want to invest in a fully automated, retracting irrigation system. You’ll never again have to worry about forgetting to water your lawn, never again be standing outside for hours with the hose, your thumb firmly jammed over the opening because the nozzle broke again.
Now that I’ve convinced you, and you’re ready ato shell out thousands for this revolutionary system, allow me to make a request. When you have your system installed, please remember: the sidewalk does not need to be watered for it to maintain its beauty. In fact, it doesn’t need to be watered at all! Sidewalk maintenance is minimal; the occasional chalk drawing is all it needs.
Consider those that walk in front of your beautiful lawn during their commutes. I could be a young man, going on a first date. I’m dressed in my finest, flowers in hand. As I walk by your house, I check your lawn for any active sprinklers. The coast is clear, but what I fail to see is the concealed system. I’m almost past your house when I hear the ominous sound of water filling a pipe. I quicken my pace, but it’s too late. Though I have to admit my flowers look really fresh with droplets of water on them, my specially rented tuxedo is ruined. It looks like I’ll have to delay this date, which is a shame, because I had reservations at an exclusive restaurant that I likely won’t be able to get again. Do you see now, from my completely true story, how your sprinklers can affect others? And it wouldn’t bother me so much it weren’t for the ease of fixing it. As part of my research for this article, I took the liberty of installing an irrigation system in my own home. I wanted to make sure I had a full understanding of the intricacies of this complex art. In this process, I learned about the different kinds of sprinkler heads, the different kinds of tubing, the different controllers. I wanted to make sure that my request wasn’t an impossible task.
After having installed a working irrigation system, I can say for certain that it is 100% possible to water your lawns without watering the passersby (no guarantees can be made for the one installing the system; after ruining two sets of clothing, I just wore a bathing suit). The problem is, many of you have already installed your sprinklers, and you can’t just change them all willy-nilly. So what are you to do? I’m glad you asked! I have an easy fix, even for you! (This would be a great place to plug my cousin’s landscaping business, but I won’t stoop to that.) Your marvelous irrigation system has a central controller to dictate the flow of the water, yes? Change the time of your watering. That’s all. Do it early in the morning, nobody is crazy enough to be up before the sun rises, and those that are will probably appreciate a splash to the face.
An earlier sprinkling time is not only good for those on the sidewalk, it’s good for your grass too. Less water will evaporate due to the sun, and when the sun does rise, it will kill many harmful bacteria that can grow when you water at night.
So do your grass, your water bill, and your community a favor. Fix your sprinklers. LAWN SPRINKLERS
It’s been about two years now since I’ve started fully appreciating lawn sprinklers. I was made aware of their natural beauty while walking home from school one day. The sun was grey, yet the air hung dry. I was hot, and feeling lightheaded. I continued walking and eventually came across a house nesting a lawn sprinkler. The way this particular sprinkler was situated was like so; it was placed on the East side of the garden with its spout facing towards the street. I stood there and basked in the light specks of water galloping my way. Suffice it to say, that lawn sprinkler helped rehydrate me on that day. It did not only physically help me out, it mentally restored my happiness as well. The beauty of that moment still remains fresh in my mind. Me, the heat, the sprinkler, and the fresh and dainty way in which the water seemed to spurt forth. Every time I see a Lawn Sprinkler, it is a completely different experience for me. Firstly, there are so many different types of Lawn Sprinklers. This means that the water unleashes itself in what seems to be a different sort of dance every single time! It’s just so exciting. Some close-minded people (please excuse my language) seem to think their existence is a bother and a nuisance to society. They believe that if these beings were faced away from the street than those who are walking on the sidewalk would not be unnecessarily plastered with water.
Should other people not benefit from the wonderful feeling of having these sprinklers around because some lazy people do not want to simply step into the gutter to avoid the water? No, I don’t think so. I think Lawn Sprinklers are a privilege us open-minded pedestrians deserve. I will end with this final point. Would you allow someone to bring peanut butter cookies to a party in which the birthday girl is deathly allergic to peanuts? No. And so there. Just because some people may benefit from not having Sprinklers does NOT make it okay to protest against them. To you I say, “CROSS THE STREET.”